Twenty two
Edited √√√√
Inevitable
***
Tell me more about werewolves. I’ve tried to do my own research, but it’s impossible to separate fact from fiction.”
It’s been two days since I met Rogers’s pack, and I still feel like I have a lifetime’s worth of information to learn.
Rogers hands me a plate with a still steaming omelet.
“Well, we spend a lot of our time together, pack bonding. That’s why we all live in the same building. We go to the same game reserve I showed you yesterday to run together in our wolf forms.”
And the full moon?”
I’m currently the only one in the pack who can’t control myself, so there are plenty of other wolves to watch over me. I’m still chained up, though, just to be safe.”
“What about your work? I assume that’s a front, right?”
Correct. Werewolf packs go back generations. Most have accumulated a lot of money over the years. Our senses make it easy to tell when someone is lying – or to tell when they’re feeling any strong emotion.”
That makes us pretty good at earning money in the business world. Most packs have developed a fortune over the years, so nowadays we don’t actually have to work.
“We usually just focus on pack activities.”
What about when a werewolf and human mate? Can they have children?”
“They can.” Rogers is giving me a searching look, and I feel myself blushing.
“So what would they be? Human or werewolf?”
There’s an equal chance of either, just like the chances of it being a girl or boy.
We’re quiet for a moment. Rogers breaks the silence. “Do you want children?”
That’s the question, isn’t it? I’ve never been sure about children, and right now, all I can think about is having Rogers’s children.
Not the kind of thing you’re supposed to be thinking about a friend, even a friend you’re fake marrying.
I decide the question is too dangerous to think about right now and change the subject.
Would you undo it if you could? Getting bitten?”
Rogers stares off into the distance, thinking.
“I’m not sure. If you asked me shortly after it happened, I would have said absolutely. But now… I like where my life is. I’m not sure it would be as it is now if not for being a werewolf.”
I wonder if I’m part of the reason Rogers wouldn’t want his life to be different?
It’s probably a stupid thought. Fake marrying one of your best friends is hardly the stuff of dreams.
Still, he seems happy spending time with me. I certainly like spending time with him.
Shit.
It hits me like a ton of bricks.
I’m falling in love with Rogers.
If I’m being totally honest, I think I’ve been falling for him for some time.
Up until now, I’ve managed to ignore or explain away the feelings, but with him looking at me like that, so content and peaceful, I can’t hide anymore.
“I’m tired. I think I’ll head to bed.”
“Alright. I’ll probably be up for a bit longer.”
Ah, fuck. No, that’s not going to work. He can hear too well for it.
Um, actually… I want to call Amanda. Is there any way you could – give me some privacy? To talk to her?”
I’m already braced for Rogers’s suspicion.
What would I want to say to Amanda that I can’t say to him?
He doesn’t seem bothered, though. “Of course. Just give me a minute. I’ll put in headphones and listen to some music.”
God, I love this man.
I do my best not to wince at the thought. I make sure Rogers has music playing from his headphones before dashing into my room.
I call Amanda’s number, hoping she’ll pick up.
On the fourth ring, she does.
Amanda!”
“Amelia, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve messed up, Amanda. Messed up bad.”
“What happened? No, don’t say anything until I get there! You don’t have to talk without a lawyer.
Despite everything, I find myself laughing.
“It’s not that kind of trouble. I haven’t been arrested or anything.”
“Oh. Good. Then what’s the problem?”
“I.. you know how I’m supposed to do the whole fake marriage thing with Rogers?”
“Yeah…”
Well you know, he agreed to do it as my friend. It would be a fake marriage. I think I’m messing it up.”
You’re losing me, Amelia. What, exactly, did you do?”
My nerves mount, and I finally blurted it out aloud. “I think I’m falling in love with Rogers”
There’s a beat of silence.
“It’s taken you this long to realize it?”
“What?”
“Are you only figuring that out now?” Amanda asks slowly and clearly like she’s speaking to someone who isn’t quite sane.
Yes. You mean – you knew before me?”
I’ve known it for weeks. I didn’t want to bring it up; I knew you’d talk to me about it when you were ready.”
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want things between Rogers and me to change. It’s so good being with him like this.”
Then what’s the problem?”
The problem is I feel like I have him under false pretenses. Don’t I owe him the truth?”
“Yes.”
Crap. I’d been hoping Amanda would assure me otherwise.
“What if it ruins our friendship?”
What makes you so sure he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“He would tell me if he did!”
Amanda bursts out laughing. “Oh, you two are like a romance movie. You do realize that’s exactly how things happen, right?
You’re both falling in love, but neither wants to tell the other for fear of ruining it.”
Could it be?
I’m still not sure. Maybe that is the case, but if it’s not, it could ruin everything. It’s still a big risk to take.
Besides, I’m not even sure I’m in love with Rogers yet.
“I’m definitely heading in that direction, but maybe it’s best to keep my mouth shut until I’m there – or not there, however it turns out.”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g
“I guess that’s your choice to make. But I think you should tell him before you go ahead with the wedding.”
“I know,” I moan.
The wedding is set for six weeks from now.
Will that be enough time to sort out my feelings for Rogers?
I’m just not sure I’m ready for another relationship. Even with how I feel about
Rogers, putting a label on it means we’re officially together. After the last disaster…”
Rogers is nothing like Raymond. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean a relationship with him wouldn’t have its pitfalls – all relationships do. If you asked me at the beginning with Raymond, when I was
infatuated and he could do no wrong in my eyes, I would never have guessed how things would have turned out.”
I think you and Rogers are right for each other. You’ll be good together.”
I wish I was so certain.
I hope so. I’d better go – I have Rogers listening to music so I can talk to you privately, but I don’t want to keep him at it for too long.”
Have you ever heard of a door?” Amanda teases.
It’s closed, but Rogers has super-sensitive hearing. And the doors are thin here.”
I can tell that Amanda doesn’t believe me.
“Did… did something happen with you and Rogers?”
How do I even start? What can I possibly tell her, when Rogers is relying on me to keep his secret?
I found out what happened to him that night in the woods,” I blurt out.
Excellent! What was it?”
Hannah sounds so excited, and I hate to disappoint her, but I can’t betray Rogers.
“I. cacacan’t tell you. He asked me to promise not to tell anyone.”
“Oh.” Amanda sighs. “I suppose there’s nothing you can do, then. Maybe he’ll choose to tell me at some point.”
I wouldn’t count on it.
“I’m not sure. I kind of found out by accident. I don’t know if he ever planned on telling either of us.”
“Well maybe living with you will cure him of that particular stupidity. Anyway, I’m heading off to bed. We should meet soon, ok? I could help you with the wedding planning if you’d like?”
“That would be amazing. Thanks, Amanda. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
I’m smiling when I hang up. Talking to Amanda always makes me feel better.
I get up to find Rogers and tell him I’m done.
If I was smart, ľd tell him everything right now. How I feel about him. My worries about another relationship… I have to do it.
I went downstairs, but find that Rogers isn’t there. Maybe he’s gone to his room. Maybe he’s asleep, and I won’t need to tell him.
I go to his bedroom, standing just outside the door. I can hear him moving around inside. I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell him now.
My heart is thumping so loudly in my chest that I’m sure Rogers must be able to hear it even with his headphones on.
My hand seems strangely detached from the rest of my body as I raise it up in front of me.
I knock on the door.
I
This might be the end of everything.