Through the Screen

Chapter 96

it's half past midnight when abel enters their. . .noah's bedroom, the bed unmade, the closet open and

half empty and a picture frame shattered onto the carpet. he sighs and takes a deep breath, walking

outside and grabbing a dustpan and a broom, before making his way back, only to find noah already

inside and in the middle of changing his clothes. oh god. abel 's fingers grip the dustpan a little tighter,

his already bitten lower lip easing back between his teeth and a bruising blush rising from the base of

his neck and sitting high on his cheeks.

he knows he shouldn't be watching, especially after things are so terrible between them, but this is

noah, and he is abel, and even if things weren't terrible between them, he would still watch noah as he

is watching him right now—with an unconscious desperation and an inexplicable gaze of love. he looks

away before noah can notice, slowly backing out of the room but to his luck—or lack of—noah turns

around just that second and abel 's eyes widen in surprise, the blush on his cheeks darkening from

embarrassment.

"i-i'm sorry i didn't mean to," abel stammers nervously and noah only sighs in response before eyeing

the objects in his hands.

"what are you going to do with those?" noah asks instead, not making eye contact as he speaks and

abel just bites his lip before answering.

"the-um-the frame-i—" abel can't speak; he's constantly jittery and nervous and scared. he just doesn't

want to lose noah.

"calm down," noah's tone is soft, reassuring, mending abel 's heart and breaking it all at once. "why are

you so anxious?"

"maybe because you are divorcing me and i can't imagine living without you and—" abel slaps a hand

over his own mouth, gulping as noah looks at him with an emotionless gaze for a moment before he

looks away completely, the objects in abel 's hands falling to the floor with a soft thud.

"i'm sorry," noah chokes all of a sudden, his voice strained as he keeps his trained on the floor, and

abel 's hands slip from his mouth in confusion as he stares at noah. why was noah apologizing?

"why are you—" abel begins but noah interrupts him with an almost inaudible sob, and settles himself

onto the edge of the bed, his face buried in his palms and back facing abel. abel stands at the

threshold in confusion for a few seconds before he drags his feet heavily across the bedroom and

towards noah's shaking figure, hesitantly sitting next to him.

"if i—you don't love me anymore do you? i'm such a piece of shit, i probably never treated you right and

i didn't make you feel loved enough—" noah chokes pathetically, and if abel thought he was

heartbroken minutes ago he was wrong, because this, the way he has made noah question himself and

his love and made noah this broken man in front of him, this is what breaks his heart in the worst way

possible. his throat stings because the lump has grown so impossible large, and there is this never

ending pain rooting from the center of his chest and infecting every fibre within him and his fingers are

shaking yet again and he can barely breathe.

he hates himself.

"and i was never a good husband or a father i'm so sorry that you had to do this abel i never—"

"no!" abel yells all of a sudden, tears streaking down his cheeks as he struggles to speak. "no, no, no it

was never your fault—"

"but—"

"no noah!" abel pushes against noah's arm harshly, angry at the mere fact that noah was questioning ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

himself, blaming himself for what abel had done out of stupidity. "i will not sit here and listen to you talk

bad about yourself because you're not at fault here! i'm a fucking terrible person and this is all because

my stupid fucking job and my stupid fucking friends and i—"

"abel,"

"i just don't deserve you," abel hates himself for making this about him again. he hates himself for

making noah feel this way. he hates that they are married and he hates that noah is suffering and he

hates that noah ever loved him. he hates that they adopted a child and he hates that he made chris his

friend and he hates his stupid fucking job and he hates the fact that noah rescued him from his shitty

house. he deserved that. he deserved all of it and he just hates himself.

his ears fill with his own thoughts and his heart is beating so fast but so slow at the same time. his

breathing is rushed and minimal and he just gets off the bed and makes his way out of the bedroom,

his feet taking uncoordinated steps one after the other until he reaches the main door and slips his feet

in his shoes, walking outside and stumbling down the stairs of the apartment.

he just doesn't deserve noah.