Rachel

Rachel

“Ahhh,” I groaned, adjusting my eyes to light.

God, my head hurts so badly.

I massaged my temples with my hand, hoping to get some relief, and turned my head to the side of the bed, only to come face to face with Jayce.

Wait, now I remember I was drunk yesterday, and had a fight with Jayce, after that he carried me in his car. Then, what happened next I don’t remember, and how I ended up coming into Jayce’s house and in his bed.

I checked my clothes quickly, but nothing seems unusual. I’m still wearing the same clothes that I wore yesterday. Jayce seems to wear pjs and a t-shirt which actually seems odd. He is naked sleeper and doesn’t like clothes in bed.

So, nothing happened last night, so why am I here? Wait, I confessed my feelings while drunk to Jayce.

Shit, Shit shitt….. what’ve I done. I don’t want a relationship. Commitments make things worse, and who knows that better than me.

I have seen my mother, who was not once happy with my dad and yet never divorced and I’ve faced it myself too in the past.

Shit drunk Rachel you made quite a mess for sane Rachel.

Good thing Jayce is still asleep, maybe if I’m lucky, I can sneak out and never look back.

Yeah, I can go to my old house, no one here knows the old address and no one can find me there, not even Jayce.

Move Rachel, I signed, staring last glance at the sleeping and handsome face of Jayce.

This is the last time I can see him, I don’t want that image of him to ever fade from my mind.

“I’m sorry,” I said, silently leaving everything that I had in the past, like a coward.

This is good for both of us, we never wanted anything serious but I let my feelings rule over my mind and disappointed both of us. Only if I leave we both can be happy, living our lives, like nothing happens.

I know Jayce doesn’t consider me someone more than an employee, and just because we share the bed doesn’t mean that we both can share each other’s heart.

*******

Jayce

I smiled at myself even if half asleep, but I’m happy because I know after today things will only get better and change for the better.

I moved to the side of my bed, scanning the space that seemed cold beneath my touch. With my senses in alert I opened my eyes looking at the space where Rachel was sleeping last night, but now she is nowhere to be found.

Jumping out of bed, I took rapid steps, scanning every inch of my house hoping to somehow find Rachel but no matter how much I try she is nowhere near my sight.

I signed, sitting on the edge of bed with my hands on my head. “Why?” I groaned, wanting to form the stress and the anger beneath my heart in words. But I can’t, it’s no use not right now. I then grabbed my phone, calling Rachel again and again, but the phone was switched off.

I paced around my house, blaming myself again and again if only I wasn’t a fool. To accept the feeling in the heart, things would be better, maybe I’m too late.

Shut up, I shouted, grabbing my car keys and phone without even caring to change my clothes. I made my way to Rachel’s apartment. I need to be quick, I said driving the fastest and safest as legal I can.

Rachel, don’t you dare to leave me, when I’ve built enough courage to accept my feelings for you.

I quickly parked my car in front of the apartment building. Running to the door, only to be disappointed with it being locked.

Rachel, why are you hiding? I paced around her front door, nearly losing my mind, finding no way to contact Rachel.

Shit… I punched the wall closest to me, thinking of finding some comfort from my anxiety but nothing helps, it only hurts me this time physically too.

I scanned my knuckle that was now bruised, throbbing badly, but at least it helped distract me even for a bit.

‘Rachel,’ I sighed her name, playing with the bracelet on my wrist. It was a gift from Rachel, and in many ways it was just a replica of her personality, sweet and quirky and yet mysterious in some way. And for now this is the only thing close to me that reminds me of her other than the memories I created with her. I touched the bracelet once more, promising one thing, that I’ll find Rachel one day, and that day I will confess everything that is unknown even the closet in my life to her, and even if even after that her feeling remain unchanged for me, I’ll leave her and never look back, living my life as before, alone, dedicated to my works. Because I can’t dream of falling for anyone but her in this lifetime.

Until then, my quest to find my mysterious Rachel starts now.

*******

Rachel

“Rachel, do you think daddy loves Jane,” Marline asks, scanning pictures of Brandon and Jane and placing them beside each other.

“You know you’re smarter than any kids your age,” I said, sitting beside as Marline smiled at my words. “And yeah I think your daddy loves Jane, and you know a secret..,”

“What secret..,” Marlin said, suddenly excited by my words.

“Well, I don’t know for sure… but I think, Jane loves Brandon too, in one way or another,”

“Really, Marlin jumps in excitement in my words.

“Hey, but don’t say that to your daddy or Jane, it’s our little secret,”

“What secret……”

We both turned our faces to see Jane standing in the doorway, with five month old Liam, and loads shopping bags in arms.

“Jane,” I quickly took long steps to the doorways helping Jane with bags of groceries. “How many times do I have to tell you, call me, when you need? ” I scolded Jane, only to make her smile and baby Liam giggle.

“So cute,” I said, watching Liam yawing in his mother’s arms. “Watching you makes me wanna have a baby, but then I change my mind, seeing all the hard work you and Brandon have to put to raise these two devils.”

“I hate you, Rachel,” Marlin said, from behind me, crossing her arms around her chest.

“No you don’t,” I said, tickling her, making her laugh. “See you love me,”

“Can I play with Liam,” Marline asked after a while, as Jane relaxed her frame on the couch with Marlin sitting beside her, watching her. “Sure baby, but Liam as you can see Liam is asleep now,” Marline looked upset at Jane’s words but then smiled. “Then can you tell me a story,” Jane nodded.

I sat on the couch watching the three of them snuggling on the couch having a warm cozy family time with each other. It’s comforting to see how even without being connected to each other with blood, they find comfort and love in each other’s company.

I sometimes find myself a outsider watching them interact but I’m happy to find such good people to work for, but I can’t lie that I miss my past life, my old place, peoples from my past mostly Jayce it’s been a year but yet I couldn’t forgo my feeling for him, I just hope that he is happy and maybe moved on with his life, and maybe married and have kids that are as sweet as Marline and Liam. Even if he is not with me, I wish him all the happiness in life and in future; I wish that I can say the same for me.

“Hey guys,” I turned my head watching Brandon inside, washing his hands, before sitting beside Jane, “How is my big boy,” Brandon smiled, cuddling Liam in his arms.

God, they look so cute with Jane snuggling with Marline and Brandon with Liam and with them playing and snuggling with each other’s kids. This image is so cute that I’m so jealous.

I picked phone and clicked few pictures, not letting this perfect moment go uncaptured, “So cute..,” my words came lauder than I accepted and both Jane and Brandon turned their head at me, “Rachel,”

I smiled trying to act innocent, “What… don’t worry I’ll send you both a copy, for now bye..,” I said, grabbing my bag and running.

“Rachel,” I smiled hearing them shouting my name again and laughing later together. They deserve all the happiness in life.

Small and simple moments and time with family are something that I would die for, but I don’t think I deserve any of them. For now I have to go to work or I’m going to be late.

*******

Jayce

“So what do you think about the new recipe,” One of my chef questions, distracting my thoughts.

“It’s bland, no flavor,” I slid the plate away from me. “But, this time I tried my best..,”

“Yeah, as last time and the time before that,” I stood from my table, wanting to get far away from the person that doesn’t even know how to cook a simple dish like this.

“But…,” He complained.

“You know what you’re fired for, just pack and leave.”

“What…but…,” He continued as I left the room without caring about his complaints. If a person doesn’t know how to cook this simple dish I don’t know how he’ll manage to cook dishes that are far more complicated and precise than this.

God, I need some fresh air and maybe liquor.

At times like this I miss Rachel even more than I wanted to, she was best, and even without any professional experience and background in food. The flavor profile of her dishes, the aroma, the way she presented each and every creation of hers with so much attention and detail. I miss her cooking more than I want to accept it.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Even with years of work and learning, I can’t compare with Rachel.

It’s almost been a year and yet I couldn’t find a clue of where she is, and what makes my search harder is Rachel being a loner and secretive person, in many ways she is like me.

Except for the fact that she is loud and quirky which is quite opposite of what I’m, but staying away from her made me realize one thing that I haven’t realized working with her for years. That her smile and attitude is just a mask that she puts on to hide the true feeling in heart. Her smile is nothing but a shield that she uses to protect herself from suffering, but that day with alcohol in system she finally able to show the pain, the thoughts the feeling she has been hiding for years, and that was last day she did that because after that night she disappears like mist in air leaving no clue behind whatsoever.

I sighed, shaking my head forgoing thoughts of Rachel. I don’t want to think of her not now. It’s been a year and I’m trying my best to find her and ways to contact her. But I’m angry too, anger ont only because she left me alone while I was asleep, but not for once did she think of contacting me, or clear any misunderstanding before she ended anything between us.

I know that we were not lovers, not boyfriend or girlfriend, but still we were something, at least for the sake of our work relationship. She could talk to me for once, before ending everything and leaving with so many unanswered questions behind.