If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

I wake to breakfast in bed. Cinnamon French toast and fresh fruit, and coffee exactly how I like it. Yesterday, last night, and this morning are hands down the best first time I’ve ever experienced.

“We need to talk about how we want this to look—this thing between us,” Hollis says when I’m most of the way through my French toast.

I want it to last. I want this to be real outside of this bedroom and my apartment. “I want more of this with you,” I tell him.

He nods slowly. “What exactly do you mean?”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I wished I’d had the nerve to bring it up first, so I know where he stands. I’m scared to put my heart on the line after all the ups and downs since January. For me, this isn’t a fling. “More dates, more of you and me.”

“For this to work, we should talk to Roman.”

I set my fork down, appetite gone. I move the tray off my lap and turn toward him. “He’ll be upset.” I can’t see this going over well. I hate upsetting him. I won’t even be honest about my favorite color with my dad. How can I be honest about this?

He’d be so disappointed in me. For breaking his one rule, and with the very last person on earth I should want. For all the lies I’ve told him. For the secrets I’m keeping. Thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

“At first, yes. But if he knows we’re serious, he’ll come to terms with it.” Hollis takes my hand in his, eyes on my fingers. “Unless that’s not where your head is.”

Talking about it makes it all very real. It feels like I’m breaking out in a full body sweat. I see his point, and I’m relieved that we could want the same thing, but what if my dad finding out changes that? “I want to see if we can work as a couple. We’ve spent the past few months fighting this connection, and I’d like time to explore that. But if we tell my dad now—” I release an anxious breath. What if it doesn’t work? What if Hollis changes his mind? What if my dad doesn’t forgive me? “—then we’ll have to manage that, too. Playoffs are coming up. There are only a few weeks left in the semester, and this one has been harder than I expected.”

His brow furrows. “Harder how?”

“The shift back to classes, the workload, taking on the gala. It’s been a lot, and I’ve made the dean’s list every semester. But I’m on the cusp right now.” I’ve been powering through, but I need to be honest about this. I want to prove that I can manage the pressure that would come with being Hemi’s assistant once I graduate. But if I’m suddenly dating a player and then being handed the job, how will that look? No one will take me seriously.

“Because of me.” Hollis squeezes my hand.

“Because of a lot of things. My mom is coming to visit next week.” I always have a lot of feelings when I see my mom, and telling her I’m dating Dad’s best friend is…not an ideal birthday surprise. I can only imagine how she’ll feel about it. “You’re still waiting to be cleared for practice. It’s a lot for both of us. Maybe we take the next few weeks to just be us?” The biggest worry I don’t voice. What if my dad loses it, and Hollis doesn’t choose me? Or my dad is so upset it messes up our relationship? He’s the most important person in my life and I’m his. My shame bucket is already full enough as it is, I don’t want to add my dad’s feelings to it, too.

“How will waiting change the outcome?” Hollis asks gently.

I swallow my anxiety. “He’ll be upset no matter what… I just don’t want it to negatively impact my final grades, or the gala, or the end of your season. It’s the potential ripple effect, Hollis. From school, to my potential job, and my dad, and the playoffs. There’s so much at stake.” I’m on the verge of tears, thinking about how wrong this could all go. But I don’t want to cry or give Hollis a reason to question whether I can handle this.

He nods slowly and kisses the back of my hand. “Once you’re through exams, we tell him, regardless of my ice status. Okay?”

I exhale a relieved breath. “Okay. I just want a little time to enjoy this.” It’s only a few weeks. Hopefully, it’s enough time to figure out how best to tell my dad. And the gala will be over by then.

“So to be clear, this is us dating,” Hollis says.

I press my fingers to my lips and nod. In secret, but we’re dating. “I didn’t know if we would ever get here,” I whisper.

He tucks my hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry it took me this long to figure my shit out, Princess.”

“I know I made it hard for you.” I lean into the touch, into him.

“No holding the blame. If anyone made it difficult, it was me.” He moves me to straddle his lap. “And for that, I’m sorry. But I will make it up to you however you want, as many times as you need me to.”

“You can start by kissing me,” I murmur, fingers sliding through his hair.

“Everything for you.” He pulls my mouth to his.

We end up celebrating our newly established secret-relationship status, which means I’m running way behind. I’ve never been late for class, but this morning it’s inevitable.

“What if I drive you in? Will you make it on time, then?” Hollis asks as I toss things into my bag, double-checking to make sure I have my laptop charger since the battery only lasts a few hours.

I give him a look. “You can’t drive me to school, Hollis.”

We haven’t even talked about what will happen after we leave this apartment. How will secretly dating look? The sex fest we had last night and this morning isn’t about getting each other out of our systems. But he’s still my dad’s best friend, and I’m still a university student. It’s complicated as fuck.

He crosses his arms. “I absolutely can drive you.”

He’s still shirtless. And I stole the hoodie he wore over yesterday and am currently wearing it and a pair of leggings. I flip the safety latch and shove my feet into my running shoes. “You’re sweet to offer, but the subway is faster. I’ve already emailed my professor to let her know I’m running behind.” It’s a seminar class, so showing up late will be embarrassing, but at least I’ve done what I can.

“I’m sorry about this.”

“Don’t apologize for eating my pussy for breakfast.” I give him a quick kiss. “We should probably talk later.”

“We will.”

I turn and watch in horror as the knob turns. My stomach flips as the door swings open. There is no explanation I can give my dad that will make sense with Hollis standing shirtless in my foyer. I’m suddenly terrified for Hollis’s face. And life. I take a protective stance in front of him. I don’t know why. It’s not as though I could stop my dad if he wanted to kick Hollis’s ass. Especially since his knee is still healing.

“What the fu⁠—”

My relief is instantaneous and so overwhelming I almost burst into tears.

Tristan frowns as he steps into the apartment. He’s holding a box from Just Desserts. He does this often—leaves cakes or treats for Rix with messages written on them. He sets the box on the entry table and holds up a hand. “Don’t say this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Don’t tell my dad,” I blurt.

Tristan looks surprisingly empathetic. “I don’t want to be on the receiving end of Roman’s wrath any more than you do.” He turns his concerned gaze on Hollis. “We talked about this.”

“It’s complicated⁠—”

Tristan holds his hand up. “You think I don’t know that? Hiding this isn’t going to make it less so. I’m not here to give you two a lecture. You’re adults and you can make your own decisions. I need to grab Bea’s laptop and get back home before she wakes up.” He pauses on the way to Rix’s room. “I know it’s not the same situation, but please don’t make the same mistakes I did.” He disappears down the hall to Rix’s room.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll talk tonight,” Hollis assures me.

I trust that Tristan won’t tell my dad, but he has a point. When shit went sideways with those two, it really went sideways. I don’t want that to happen to us. But there’s no way out of this without someone getting hurt.