Contract Marriage: I’ve Always Loved You

As the days of my pregnancy pass, the growing life within me becomes the sole source of my solace.

Yet, no matter how much I try to focus on the baby’s arrival, the void left by Steve’s absence remains a constant ache. The baby becomes my reason to live, but the longing for the man I love remains. I need him on this journey of my life.

When I see other couples, I miss him even more. I wish I had realised his importance in my life earlier.

As I settle my life with Elsa in London, I gradually lose interest in making vlogs. It feels like the excitement that fueled my creativity has faded.

The three months of our contract marriage haven’t just changed me; I find myself feeling dependent on Steve. Yes, it surprises me too. In the past, I teased Steve, urging him to join my vlogs, lives, and pictures just to annoy him. However, somewhere along the way, his presence became so crucial to me that I wanted to include him in my social media whenever possible. I enjoyed it when someone commented that we looked like a power couple or were made for each other. It used to make me happy, yet I was so oblivious that I had actually fallen for him. I was being stupid, not realising my own feelings.

I decide to start working as a receptionist in a local cafe because I can’t sit idle and burden myself on Elsa.

She, concerned for my well-being, suggests that I shouldn’t have to work and should focus on taking care of myself during the pregnancy.

“I can’t sit idle, Elsa. It’s not just about the financial aspect; working will keep my mind occupied. I can’t just sit around, it’ll drive me crazy.” I explain to her.

***

One day, while cutting vegetables in the kitchen, a sudden slip of the knife leads to a cut on my finger. As the pain shoots through, memories of Steve rush back. I recall the moment when he, with care and tenderness, had wiped the blood when I accidentally cut my finger.

The tears that well up in my eyes are not just from the physical pain, but from the emotional ache.

“Hey, little ones, you’ve brought so much joy into my life. But you know what? Mumma misses your daddy a lot. I wish he could be here to share this happiness with us.” I sob, placing my hand on my baby bump.

Yesterday only, in my sonography report, I came to know that two lives are growing within me instead of one. This revelation doubled my excitement and joy.

***

As my pregnancy days pass, I decide to join parenting classes. It becomes a way for me to prepare for my twins’ arrival and strive to become the best mom I can be.

As I attend these classes, surrounded by other expectant parents, I wish Steve could be a part of this experience.

Many times, I pick up my phone to call him, but step back because I can’t put this responsibility on him and ruin his life once again with my presence. He despises me so much that he’ll never accept me.

As the days pass, my routine includes not just work and classes but also moments where I talk to my growing babies about their daddy. It’s a one-sided conversation filled with the love and longing I hold for Steve, a way to keep his memory alive for them.

One day, Elsa prepares my favourite dish because I was craving it. As I take a bite, I go back to a day when Steve had cooked this very dish for me on my birthday.

Flashback

On my birthday, Steve’s father surprises me by suggesting that Steve should prepare my favourite dish as a special birthday gift. The idea catches me off guard, since I’ve never witnessed Steve in the kitchen before.

“Oh my God, Steve knows how to cook. I can’t believe.” I shake my head incredulously.

“He is an amazing chef, Grace. Once you experience the taste of his cooking, you won’t be able to resist it.” Dad praises him, shocking me more.

Steve utters, “Dad, you’re overpraising me.”

“I’m telling the truth, Steve.”

“Steve, cook for me, and I’ll give you the return gift at night.” As I whisper in Steve’s ear with a mischievous glint in my eyes, his eyes widen in shock.

“Steve, cook for your wife. She deserves to taste the food made from your hand.”

“Okay, fine! At night, I’ll prepare your favourite dinner, Grace.” As he agrees, my eyes spark happiness.

“Thank you, Mr. Husband.” I give him a quick hug and place a kiss on his cheek.

Flashback Over

That night, in front of his father, when Steve fed me with his hand, I felt something in my heart. But back then, I didn’t understand that it was the feeling of love.

Why didn’t I realise earlier that I was falling for him?

I become emotional and tears stream down my cheeks.

Elsa, noticing my tears, asks in a concerned tone, “Hey, what happened? Does the food not taste good?”

“No, it’s so good.” I sob. “Elsa, Steve cooked for me on my birthday. I miss him so much.”

She pulls me in her arms. “Grace, your babies will bring so much joy, and I’m here for you. We’ll make fresh memories together.” She reassures me, rubbing my back.

“I need Steve, Elsa. I’m yearning for him.”

***

As my pregnancy progresses, the joy of anticipating my twins’ arrival is intertwined with a constant ache for Steve. However, I’m grateful that Elsa is there with me.

Every night, I long for Steve’s presence beside me, especially when I feel the gentle kicks of our growing babies. I wish he could share these precious moments with me.

There are nights when I wake up with a strong desire for Steve’s favourite dish, and recently, I also feel a deep urge to help those in need. It’s fascinating how Steve’s babies growing inside me are shaping my preferences. This phase of pregnancy truly astonishes me.

One evening, after returning from a parenting class, Elsa and I sit down to chat. She shares her excitement about being an aunt to my twins.

“You know, Grace, you’re going to be an amazing mom. I can already see the love and care you have for these little ones.”

“Thanks, Elsa. I just wish their dad could be a part of their lives. I miss him so much. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t breathe without him around.”

Elsa places a hand on mine to comfort me. “Grace, you’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay to feel this way. But you’re strong, and you’ll get through it. Maybe one day, when the time is right, you can let Steve know about the babies.”

I shake my head, tears welling up. “Elsa, I can’t. I can’t disrupt his life again. He deserves happiness, and if that means he can’t be with me, then so be it.”

As my due date approaches, I feel a mix of anticipation and anxiety. Elsa plans a baby shower, hoping to bring some cheer into my life.

The baby shower is filled with laughter and joy. Yet, I caress my baby bump and whisper to my twins about their absent father.

One night, as I lay in bed, feeling the weight of my growing belly, I close my eyes and imagine a different life-a life where Steve is by my side, sharing the joy of parenthood.

I envision him kissing my baby bump. It’s an incredible feeling. As I’m about to run my fingers through his hair, wearing a peaceful smile, he suddenly fades away.

Tears roll down my cheeks as reality hits me. Steve is living his life, unaware of the little lives growing within me. The ache intensifies, but I know I must stay strong for my twins.

***Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

Present Day,

I stand behind the counter, lost in the routine of the cafe, and my heart skips a beat as I glance up and see Steve after eight long months.

Is he real this time? I can’t help but wonder, because I’ve imagined him countless times before. And every time I try to touch him, he just disappears into thin air. I’m really hoping he’s not just my imagination this time.

His gaze locks onto mine, and in that moment, time seems to freeze. I can just feel it in my bones that he’s really here. It’s like a dream come true.

Emotions overwhelm me, and I can’t believe our paths cross again. All I want is to embrace him and never let go.

As he approaches, I step out from behind the counter, forgetting everything. His eyes widen as he notices the baby bump. I can see many emotions crossing his face-joy, confusion, and anger.

I gaze at him, uncertain of his reaction, but I’m grateful that destiny has brought us face to face once more.

“Grace. Is thi-this my baby?” As he stammers, placing his hand on my baby bump, I close my eyes, feeling his touch after long eight months.

With his touch, memories flood my mind like an overwhelming wave. I remember all the moments we spent together-how we met, the electric sensation when he touched me for the first time, our fights, our passionate moments, and the heart-wrenching separation that followed.

The scars of our love story run deep, but in this moment, I yearn for a new beginning. A beginning where his eyes are filled with love for me, as I yearn for it with all my heart.

“Grace, say something.” His words bring me to the reality, and I open my eyes.

“Yes, Steve. It’s yours.” I nod, tears welling up in my eyes.

It feels like a dream that he is standing in front of me, and I’m telling him about our babies.

But what if I’m just imagining him?

“Steve,” I whisper his name like a prayer, my voice filled with longing, as I gently touch his cheek, needing to feel his warmth, to assure myself that he is truly here and not just my imagination.

The moment my fingertips brush against his skin, I sense him snapping out of his trance, and my heart races even faster in response. A bittersweet smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I feel his intense gaze on me.

He’s here, he’s actually standing right in front of me. We are breathing the same air once again. His presence feels incredibly soothing to my soul. So much. My babies, no, no, our babies can feel his presence.

In that instant, an overwhelming desire surges through me, urging me to pull him into my arms and let my tears flow freely, releasing all the emotions that have been building up inside me. But before I can do anything, he shakes his head, causing my hand to fall back, leaving me startled and wounded.

My heart aches as I catch a glimpse of anger, pain, and something else I can’t quite decipher in his eyes. It feels like a blow to my chest, as if all the air has been sucked out of the room.

It tears at my soul, leaving me questioning everything. Did I unknowingly hurt him again?

Before any words can be exchanged, I feel a sudden pain in my belly. I clutch my abdomen and panic washes over Steve’s face.

“What’s happening? Grace, are you okay?” He asks, his concern genuine.

Struggling through the pain, I utter, “Steve, I think I’m having labour pain.”

Without hesitation, he lifts me into his arms and rushes me outside. He places me in the backseat of his car, instructing the driver to head to the nearest hospital. Right now, I only pray for a safe delivery and the well-being of our unborn children.

During the drive to the hospital, he clasps my hand and reassures me, “Grace, just hang in there. We’ll reach the hospital soon. Everything will be fine.”

My heart is filled with joy that he is there with me now. His presence is so comforting.

But I feel a sudden pang of guilt for hiding my pregnancy from him. “Steve, I didn’t plan for you to find out like this. I’m sorry.” As I apologise, my eyes well up with tears.

He squeezes my hand. “Right now, all that matters is you.” Placing his hand on my growing baby bump, he adds, “And our little one. We can talk about everything else later.”

I just keep staring at him in disbelief, only to convince myself that it’s a reality, not a dream. The pain is secondary in front of the happiness I am feeling right now, having him beside me when I am going to give birth to our babies.