Chapter 18: Blame
Alexander’s POV
I stare at some of the members of my council as they discuss our recent issues on our farm lands and how crops have been mysteriously dying along with some of our animals.
We have had a meeting concerning this before and thought the problem was just fertilizers and plantation location, but now we see that it is not.
It is all over the kingdom.
And if care is not taken, there will be famine all over the land. It is a very serious matter, I know. But I still cannot bring myself to concentrate on the issue at hand. We have been at this meeting for almost thirty minutes, and I have been zoned out throughout most of it.
My mind is solely occupied by one person, and it angers me greatly. Aira.
Ever since that day, she barged into my office all red and sweaty, asking me to mark her. I have not seen her ever since. I mean, where the hell did that even come from anyway? I know she is my mate, but we are not exactly on the same page in terms of marking each other.
It was just so strange and disgusting. She looked so desperate to be marked-how pathetic. But then again, she did look like she was in pain too. But I am sure whatever the problem was, she has gotten it sorted out by the pack doctor.
She probably just feels embarrassed because she came begging for me to mark her when her problem could have been easily solved with a few medications. I am sure she realizes that now, which is why she is avoiding me. Yes, that is definitely it.
But why do I get this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach? I get the sense that something is wrong. terribly wrong.
Damn you, Aira.
At least just show your face so that I will know that you are okay.
Wait a minute, why the hell do I even care?
“Your highness?”
I am brought back to the present, and I find everyone staring at me. clearing my throat, I straighten my back and say, “Yes?”
“We asked if you are in agreement with the new strategy,” my minister of agriculture, Daniel Ross, asks me.
I do not show my confusion; instead, I keep my composure and ask them to repeat themselves. They do just that, and I do not completely assimilate everything they are saying, but I nod in agreement anyway.
I need to get out of here.
My wolf has been crying for our mate for days now. I am sure he is the reason I cannot concentrate. Yes, it is definitely him.
My council members and I all sign a contract before I dismiss the meeting. I rise to my feet and leave the room without saying another word. I find myself wandering the palace halls in search of one woman.Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.
And I see everyone except her. Where the hell is she?
My attention shifts to the maid I had assigned to watch over my mate, and I make my way over to her. Her eyes widen when she sees me, and she instantly goes down on her knees.
“Good morning, your highness,” she says with her head barely a few inches away from my feet. I will never get tired of seeing my subjects do that. But now I have something very vital to ask her.
“You may stand,” I say, and she hesitates, but for only a second before doing as I say. “Where is Aira. I have not been seeing her around lately. Has she by any chance gotten into trouble again?”
The maid’s countenance falls, and I see a hint of shock in her eyes when she asks, “You don’t know?”
“If I knew anything, I would not be asking you now, would I?” I snap, and she bows her head as an apology.
“Forgive me, your majesty; I just thought everyone had heard about it. especially you since I found her in your office.” She trails off, and I feel my anger heightening with every word that leaves her mouth.
My fists clench, and I feel my wolf crawling to the surface. He is growing impatient. Just like me.
“You have five seconds to tell me what is going on before I snap your neck.”
Her eyes widen with horror, and what comes out of her mouth next leaves an emotion I have never felt before swirling within my chest.
“Aira lost her child three days ago, Alpha.”
That was the day she asked me to mark her. Could it be… No, it can’t. There is no way her child could be dead because of me.
“What happened?” I demand, and the sadness in her eyes is great.
“I do not know. I just found her lying on the floor of your office three days ago. She had blood flowing down her legs, and she was crying. I keep asking her what happened, but she won’t respond. She hasn’t moved or said a word to anyone since then, not even me.”
Ah shit.
“Where is she?”
“In our chambers, your highness,” she replies, and I nod.
“You may leave,” I order, and she does a submissive bow before doing what she is told. I wait for her to disappear from my line of vision before quickly making my way towards the maid’s chambers. I moved a lot faster than I would have liked, but at this moment, I do not think I care.
All that I can think about is Aira.
I knock down the door, and she is the first thing I see once I walk in.
Her eyes lock with mine, but at the same time, they do not. She is looking right at me, but it seems she has zoned out.
Taking a step towards her, I take in her features. She is a mess.
There are large, dark circles beneath her eyes. The corners of her eyes are tainted with a bright red color, and I wonder if it is because of how widened her eyes are. Her hair is pointing in every direction, and her hands constantly fidget on her stomach.
The stomach where her child once was.
There is discomfort in my chest as I take in her condition. I hate it. It is driving me crazy.
A moment of silence passes between the both of us, and for the first time in my life, I genuinely do not know what to say; I am speechless.
But I know I have to say something. My wolf screams at me to get down on my knees and ask our mate for forgiveness, because deep down we know this is our fault. I don’t know how but it just is.
That is why she came to me that day, begging. And I turned her down, and as a result, she lost the one thing she was willing to fight for.
“You lost your child,” I state, breaking the deafening silence. She stays mute. I take another step towards her, and that is when I see it.
The anger, the hatred, and the pain.
Despite all of that, I did not expect her next words.
“Get out.”
My eyebrows shoot to the top of my head, and I ask, “Excuse me?”
“Are you deaf?” she snaps, slowly rising to her feet. I stare at her with disbelief, not believing that she actually has the guts to speak to me like that.
A growl erupts from my chest, and my jaw clenches. “Who are you-”
“Get the fuck out of my room!” she screams, taking a step towards me, making me take one back. I want to berate her for her tone; I want to punish her and teach her that I am the alpha and that no one dares speak to me in such a manner, but I cannot. “You! You are the reason my child is dead!”
“I didn’t-”
“I don’t want to hear it! Ever since the unfortunate day our paths crossed, you have made my life a living hell! I wish your men never would have rescued me that day in the forest because at least I would have died with my baby.”
At this point, her voice breaks and tears stream down her cheeks.
“But no. You just had to waltz into my life and make it more miserable, and in the process, you took away the only will I had to live.”
I stand there silently, watching her sadness morph into rage.
Her next words are like a dagger straight to my chest. I have never met anyone who has ever used words to inflict pain on me. But for her, it is always different.
“I hate you.” She seethes and jams a finger into my chest. “I do not care if you are king; I do not care what you will do to me because now my only will to live is gone. So if I were you, I suggest that you live in this room now.”
Another moment of silence passes between us. Neither of us do anything but stare at each other, and all I see in her once warm hazel eyes is a burning hatred and anger that no ocean could quench.
And so I leave.
I turn my back on her, and she grants her wish. This is probably for the best anyway. It is good she hates me; I mean, now she would stay the hell away from me.
I head down to the barracks to watch the instructors train the new recruits. The rest of my day is spent tending to my other alpha duties, but I am ashamed to admit that I performed poorly in all of them.
God damn it, who am I kidding? I am losing my damn mind.
I have thousands of wolves that hate me, but just hearing those words from Aira alone hurt.
Nightfall comes, and I find myself in the garden. This is the only place I know that could bring me even an ounce of peace.
But as I walked through the pathway and picked up on the sound of crying, I knew my search for peace would never be possible.
It did not take me a second to know who it was coming from. I can feel Aira right on the other side of these walls of trees. I can feel her sitting at the edge of the fountain with her head in her hands, crying her eyes out.
I want to go over to her, but I do not; my feet remain glued to the spot.
That is how I spent that night, listening to her cry. And that was by far the worst night of my entire existence.