Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 0489

Ava gave him the kind of motherly love he lacked from me. The kind of love he longed for me to give him. I see it now. The moment he met Ava. The moment she took him in, even before the truth came out. It's the moment he gave up on me. It's the moment Gunner stopped caring about a relationship between us.

"I hear you Emma." Mia gives me a tissue. "I do hear you, but I have to ask, where was this same determination back then? Why did you refuse to have a relationship with Gunner?"

I've asked myself the same question over and over again.

For eight years, I denied his existence. For eight years, I treated him like he didn't matter. For eight fucking years I held him at arm's length.

"I know it's a stupid reason now that I think about it, but back then I didn't want anything or anyone reminding me of the life I had when Rowan and I were separated. To me, Gunner was a mistake. He never should have been conceived. I didn't want my life with Rowan to be shadowed by the child I had with another man. I wanted to remain perfect in Rowan's eyes."

*Pardon my bluntness, but isn't that stupid given Rowan had a child with Ava? Much the same with you, Ava's pregnancy was unplanned, but even if you and Rowan had ended up together, he wouldn't have pushed Noah aside."

And that, right there. Her words shame me to the core.

She's right. Rowan would never have pushed Noah aside for my sake. Hell, he broke off our relationship when he learned all the shit I'd spouted about Noah. Yet I was willing to walk away from my son. Who am I kidding? I walked out on him the moment he was born.

I rub my chest as the pain intensifies. I felt raw. Like my chest had been ripped wide open for everyone to witness the sins I carried.

How can I even think of mending my relationship with Gunner after this? Mia just showed me what a horrible person I was to a little boy. Not just any little boy, but my son. Content belong to NôvelDráma. Org.

"I'm not here to shame you, Emma, or judge you. Apart from helping you heal; my work is to point a mirror in your direction so you can truly see yourself. It's to help you come to terms with your mistakes and help you forgive yourself. My work is to drill in some hard truths so it can help you move on with your life."

She pauses, her eyes searching mine while I fight back my tears. "What you did to Gunner, to your own son isn't right. You would have scarred that boy for life much like Ava's past experiences with your family had scarred her. How do you think he felt every time you ignored him? Every time you treated him like he was nothing? Every time you pushed him away. He is a child, Emma, that kind of emotional pain has probably done a lot of damage to that little boy."

My breath catches and I find it hard to breathe. My throat is clogged with emotions and I feel like my soul has been battered.

I didn't want to hear her. I want to escape her words. Words that feel like pointed arrows aimed towards my already bleeding heart. I couldn't stop the heart-wrenching pain that consumed me.

If I had thought I knew what pain was when I found out Rowan had slept with Ava, then I was wrong. That was nothing compared to what I was feeling right now.This belongs to NôvelDrama.Org.

This was gut-wrenching. Soul crashing. I don't know how to recover from it.

Mia looks at me sympathetically. "I think you've had enough for today."

Her words passed over me. My ears were ringing, and I could barely hear anything above the sound of my breaking heart.

It crashes me knowing I did the same thing to Gunner that my parents did to Ava.

How could I ever face him after this? Maybe I didn't deserve him. Maybe I didn't deserve a second chance.